my resolve

for this upcoming mid-yr examination, funny & queer as it sounds, is not to get good grades and attempt to beat as many ppl as I can in the subjects that I take. its not to cheong for good grades so that i would be the one smiling inwardly and sympathising others instead of myself on the day of the results. its not to sacrifice my daily bible reading campaign time to cramp in those few minutes of formulas or notes that may give me an extra edge in the paper on the next day and hopefully score a few more marks. funny as it sounds, its not what i had always resolved to do in all my other past exams.

this time, i would like to make a tiny bit different. ok, maybe more than a tiny bit. my resolve.

it is walking into the exam hall knowing that i've done what i could with whatever i've done. it is looking into the test paper and smiling to myself: "hey i think i've seen this somewhere in my notes before!" it is coming upon a question that is worth a significant fair share of marks that i have no idea how to do and laughing to myself for having a forgetful memory. it is whistling softly to myself the first hymn/choir song that comes to my mind. it is leaving the examination hall with a big smile on my face, thanking God for having led me through the entire course of revision for this paper and having 1 less paper/subject left to cope with in the remaining days of examination. i guess most importantly, and possibly the most challenging one, is to accept whatever grades im gonna recieve with as much humility as my heart can squeeze in on that fateful day.

a very wonderful and weird June holidays has just passed; wonderful in the sense that many unforgettable memories were forged, and weird as i have been and am currently feeling something that i dont usually feel after the June holidays and with the start of a brand new term and exams. not in the sense of being sick or emo and stuff like that. something different.

purely delusional, just a psychological tendency to feel absolutely at peace and relaxed after a good physical and mental vacation before getting smacked on the face and waking up abruptly to the genuine harsh reality of the world? a psychological or mental disorder or disability that is starting to take form in my mind after 17 years of dormancy? something else, perhaps.

i guess the only way is to let time do its telling.

May the Lord bless all of you who are sitting for exams. Do your best and let God do the rest. & i've always though that sounded cheesy, but hey, its not that bad actually.

i think i will have to start going for youth service. note the absence of the word again in the previous sentence. i dont think i would wanna look back in life when im older and wonder what i've been doing every sunday morning. yes, another resolve.

resolves. how do you remember to keep them?

maybe i shall come back here every day and refresh my memory.